“We’re considering a ‘no moderation’ format for future debates,” said an unnamed ABC executive. “Just two candidates on stage, no one to fact-check or interrupt, and a 90-minute free-for-all. The public clearly doesn’t want us meddling, so why not give them what they want: chaos, unfiltered.”
Another potential plan involves outsourcing future debates to artificial intelligence, thus ensuring that no human will ever be held responsible for interrupting a candidate’s pet-related conspiracy theory. “We could have chatbots ask the questions, maybe throw in some fun GIFs to keep things interesting,” the executive mused. “And, best of all, the bots won’t care if they get fired afterward.”
The public response to ABC’s decision to fire its entire staff has been as divided as the reactions to the debate itself. Some conservative commentators applauded the move, arguing that the network had been “corrupted” by liberal bias and was long overdue for a house-cleaning.
“Finally, accountability in the media,” one right-wing pundit tweeted. “Let this be a lesson to all networks that there are consequences for disrespecting Trump.”
Meanwhile, progressive voices criticized ABC for not taking a more nuanced approach to addressing the backlash. “Firing the entire staff doesn’t solve anything,” wrote one liberal commentator. “It just proves that networks are willing to sacrifice their employees to save face. What we need is better media, not fewer journalists.”
And then there were those in the middle, left wondering how a simple debate could lead to such drastic consequences. “So, wait—they fired everyone because of Twitter complaints?” asked one bewildered viewer. “Maybe we should just stop having debates altogether.”
With its entire staff gone, ABC is now in uncharted territory. The network, which once prided itself on journalistic excellence, is now facing an existential crisis. Will it rebuild from scratch with a new team of fresh faces, or will it pivot to something entirely different—like reality TV, where facts are optional and outrage is profitable?
Only time will tell whether ABC can recover from this latest debacle, but one thing is certain: in the age of fact-free debates and internet-fueled outrage, no network is safe from the firing squad.
And for the rest of the media world, the lesson is clear—don’t bother fact-checking. Just let the candidates talk, and let Twitter decide who’s telling the truth.
